En-ger-land face South Africa re-draw

It was released yesterday by FIFA that England would be subject to a re-draw such was the farcical outcome of last Fridays World Cup draw.

In order to redress the apparent unfairness of the draw and preserve the integrity of the biggest sporting event in the world England shall now face the Shetland Isles, The North Pole and international selection of fictional cartoon characters. FIFA believes that all 3 shall prove to be a sterner test than the first Group C pairings of Algeria, Slovenia and the U, S of A.

International coach of England (who is actually Italian) Fabio Capello or simply Fabio to the bambi eyed English press responded by saying “This is a terrible, tutti frutti, areviderche, without Rooney we are nothing”.

The collective English media also voiced their concerns :
“This is obviously a shameful tactic by Franco-centric football powers to delay the inevitable which is the rightful success of England at South Africa 2010. We the English media would like voice our embarrassment at the apparent pretensions of Brazil, Spain, Holland, Germany, Ivory Coast etc on winning our trophy. We may also mention Alf Ramsay, 1966, They think it’s all over blah, blah, blah”

However, for those who used to such acts of English hubris the pantomime shall roll on for 6 months. The overconfidence shall reach boiling point and spill over when England are routed by a young, talented German side in the second round. A scapegoat shall be found immediately with the finger of blame being thrust in their Italian mangers face. The tabloids shall run faintly, racist headlines and provide photoshopped photo’s of Capello’s head on Pavarotti’s body.

Reports that the nation is really in a state of panic fearing injury to Wayne Rooney will scupper all hopes of success were left unconfirmed yesterday. A central defensive pairing of Terry and Ferdy backed by Calamity James in goals should inspire any team to success also Glen Johnson remembering he is a defender shall be a big help. Despite the midfield consisting of over the hill has-beens and convicted thugs England should easily match the likes of Kaka, Iniesta, Argeoro, Ribery, Benzema and Ronaldo for skill and invention.

Deluded fantasists and blinkered fans alike shall no doubt point to the continued success of the English Premier League as suitable prophecy of national team success failing to recognize that he league is jammed full of Jonny Foreigners.